all the hinges fell off
a mix for Vizaeth Xunhrae Thaezyr, Sorcere apprentice, devoted Lolthite, and Pharaun Mizzrym's number one fan.
Tracklist & Meta
If I could burn this town / I wouldn't hesitate / To smile while you suffocate and die
Vizaeth has no compassion, he will happily watch others suffer, especially if he's the cause.
I'm a handful, demidevil, pyromaniac / Bitch, I am one, throw a tantrum
one of Viz's earliest character notes was 'the living embodiment of an Ashnikko song', and the reason is that he's a sharp-edged bitch of a boy.
Heart full of spiders, legs made of gummy / Who do I have to kill to make everybody love me?
who does he have to kill to get some love around here? he'll kill them. that might make them love him, maybe.
And who says that I'm not a God? I am God to me
for a boy that loves Lolth so much, he's got a damn ego on him. in him. it's more that he kinda thinks he's Lolth's specialist soldier and She's sending him signs all the time.
Am I bad, am I bad, am I bad, am I really that bad?
yeah Viz, you are. but i like that the song's about what really makes someone bad, can you blame them or is it circumstance. Viz is complicated. He's a nightmare, but he's complicated.
I've grown tired of this body /Fall apart without me, body
mother mother? on a trans playlist? groundbreaking. but anyway, the inherent horror of vizaeth's body! what fun!
She’s got the power of words / How I herd my fury to her shrine
this song is about his relationship with Lolth, to me.
Broken hymen of 'Your Highness', I'm left black / Throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back
it just has something of the transgender about it
You're the one who's in my body, ripping at the seams
this song gives me lots of Vizaeth/Xunhrae bodytheft/body-stealing feels
I'm very sorry that you have to have a body / One that will hurt you and be the subject of so much of your fear
all of this song. all of it. it's the transgenderism of it all, once again.
I can't seem to face up to the facts / I'm tense and nervous and I can't relax
i mean the whole thing is about being a bit of a murderer and that's the Boy! but also this line captures how fucking stressed out he is all the damn time.
You should have raised a baby girl, I should have been a better son
what was i gonna do, not put this song on here? not include gerard screaming that line when it could come right from Vizaeth's throat? he might as well be cis if i didn't.
I cannot run from my family / They're hiding inside me, corpses on ice
he stole his brother's body and he still feels like Xunhrae's inside him somewhere, haunting their body.
Please forgive me, I've got demons in my head, in my head
he's got something in his head, that's for sure. boy's got problems.
The world is burning, I got worms in my brains
see above re: Things In Vizaeth's Brain
I hate the feeling of this weight upon my shoulders / Pushing the pressure down on me / You think you want the best for me but nothing really matters
he's under no pressure but also so much pressure. he's not good at being a male or a wizard or alive but also there is literally no escape, physical or otherwise.
My God, my tourniquet / Return to me salvation
every song about god is actually about Lolth if you try hard enough. anyway, this for me is just how Vizaeth is always looking for Lolth and begging for Her to tell him what to do, to make his life make sense, make it right, make him right.
And I watched a change in you / It's like you never had wings / Now you feel so alive / I've watched you change
evil transition. that's it that's the note
I am inside of you, in spite of you / With strength and sacred grace / But for all you do, I'll carry you / From this bitter place
the song that inspired the fic of the same title! Xunhrae lives inside of him, or so he feels. The inescapable part of him that's still a fucked up girl who can't cope with being one.
It's half biology and half corrective surgery gone wrong / You'll notice something funny if you hang around here for too long
not to make every song on here about Viz being trans - actually no, yes to doing that. He was a girl and he hated it so now he's a boy but not really because he stole this body so it's not his, and the girl pieces are still in there, and he hates that they're in there. it's about having dysphoria even when you've transitioned to the point that unless someone knows or looks very close they'd never know who you used to be. or that you're not the original owener of your body.
Your life is destroyed you are thirsting for violence / The ghosts you created are calling you out
yeah, just. he caused all his own problems. also the bits about biting, and the grungy sound are very Vizaeth-coded
I wanna kill everybody / I'm not sorry, I'm not sorry / I'm better than everybody / I'm not sorry, I'm not sorry
he's a violent little man with a complex. several complexes.
I know I've got a tendency / To exaggerate what I'm seein' / And I know that it's unfair of me / To make a memory out of a feelin'
if Vizaeth was as self aware as this song, he'd be in a much better place, but alas. if he had actual love in his life, he'd be a lot less miserable.
Is this body even mine? / Feels good to be alive, but I hate my life
another line about debatable body ownership? yeah, that's it that's all i've got for this one.
i'm not okay
listen if you can't relate to screaming that line then i don't know what to tell you. it's Vizaeth screaming.
Can you see me now / You've not been looking hard enough / I won't be silent anymore / Sometimes I hate this body
the howling body-frustration anguish here is what it's all about
Put me back together or separate the skin from bone / Leave me all the pieces / Then you can leave me alone
sometimes you gotta be an edgy 13-year-old and put slipknot on the OC playlist. also every line about damaging yourself is always about Vizaeth
So let's get swallowed whole / I want to go where nobody else will ever go
the origin of Vizaeth's vore fetish adjaklsj. no but it's about getting eaten by god and Vizaeth does want Lolth to eat him, so.
I don't want what you have / I wanna be you
origin line! he doesn't want Pharaun's position or his power, he wants to be him. Physically. Literally.
Someone help me / Understand what's going on inside my mind / Doctor, I can't tell if I'm not me
this song is very chaotic-mind confusion-struggle tangled-brain, which Vizaeth very much has. half the time he doesn't know what's going on in his own head and he hates it.
I don't care if it hurts / I wanna have control / I want a perfect body / I want a perfect soul
I like this cover for being so soft and sad, such a lament. Like damn, Viz tries so hard and still fails at everything he's every tried to be.