all the hinges fell off

a mix for Vizaeth Xunhrae Thaezyr, Sorcere apprentice, devoted Lolthite, and Pharaun Mizzrym's number one fan.

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Tracklist & Meta

CHOKE - IDKHBTFM

If I could burn this town / I wouldn't hesitate / To smile while you suffocate and die

Vizaeth has no compassion, he will happily watch others suffer, especially if he's the cause.

TANTRUM - ASHNIKKO

I'm a handful, demidevil, pyromaniac / Bitch, I am one, throw a tantrum

one of Viz's earliest character notes was 'the living embodiment of an Ashnikko song', and the reason is that he's a sharp-edged bitch of a boy.

CHEERLEADER - ASHNIKKO

Heart full of spiders, legs made of gummy / Who do I have to kill to make everybody love me?

who does he have to kill to get some love around here? he'll kill them. that might make them love him, maybe.

AUTOTHEIST - BABY BUGS

And who says that I'm not a God? I am God to me

for a boy that loves Lolth so much, he's got a damn ego on him. in him. it's more that he kinda thinks he's Lolth's specialist soldier and She's sending him signs all the time.

LAPLACE'S ANGEL - WILL WOOD

Am I bad, am I bad, am I bad, am I really that bad?

yeah Viz, you are. but i like that the song's about what really makes someone bad, can you blame them or is it circumstance. Viz is complicated. He's a nightmare, but he's complicated.

BODY - MOTHER MOTHER

I've grown tired of this body /Fall apart without me, body

mother mother? on a trans playlist? groundbreaking. but anyway, the inherent horror of vizaeth's body! what fun!

TANTA FURIA - BIRDEATSBABY

She’s got the power of words / How I herd my fury to her shrine

this song is about his relationship with Lolth, to me.

HEART SHAPED BOX - DEAD SARA

Broken hymen of 'Your Highness', I'm left black / Throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back

it just has something of the transgender about it

MAYBE - FLOWER FACE

You're the one who's in my body, ripping at the seams

this song gives me lots of Vizaeth/Xunhrae bodytheft/body-stealing feels

BODY TERROR SONG - AJJ

I'm very sorry that you have to have a body / One that will hurt you and be the subject of so much of your fear

all of this song. all of it. it's the transgenderism of it all, once again.

PYSCHO KILLER - TALKING HEADS

I can't seem to face up to the facts / I'm tense and nervous and I can't relax

i mean the whole thing is about being a bit of a murderer and that's the Boy! but also this line captures how fucking stressed out he is all the damn time.

MAMA - MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE

You should have raised a baby girl, I should have been a better son

what was i gonna do, not put this song on here? not include gerard screaming that line when it could come right from Vizaeth's throat? he might as well be cis if i didn't.

RUNS IN THE FAMILY - AMANDA PALMER

I cannot run from my family / They're hiding inside me, corpses on ice

he stole his brother's body and he still feels like Xunhrae's inside him somewhere, haunting their body.

DEMONS - HAYLEY KIYOKO

Please forgive me, I've got demons in my head, in my head

he's got something in his head, that's for sure. boy's got problems.

WORMS - ASHNIKKO

The world is burning, I got worms in my brains

see above re: Things In Vizaeth's Brain

NUMB - MEG MYERS

I hate the feeling of this weight upon my shoulders / Pushing the pressure down on me / You think you want the best for me but nothing really matters

he's under no pressure but also so much pressure. he's not good at being a male or a wizard or alive but also there is literally no escape, physical or otherwise.

TOURNIQUET - EVANESCENCE

My God, my tourniquet / Return to me salvation

every song about god is actually about Lolth if you try hard enough. anyway, this for me is just how Vizaeth is always looking for Lolth and begging for Her to tell him what to do, to make his life make sense, make it right, make him right.

CHANGE (IN THE HOUSE OF FLIES) - DEFTONES

And I watched a change in you / It's like you never had wings / Now you feel so alive / I've watched you change

evil transition. that's it that's the note

INSIDE OF YOU, IN SPITE OF YOU - THOUSHALTNOT

I am inside of you, in spite of you / With strength and sacred grace / But for all you do, I'll carry you / From this bitter place

the song that inspired the fic of the same title! Xunhrae lives inside of him, or so he feels. The inescapable part of him that's still a fucked up girl who can't cope with being one.

HALF JACK - THE DRESDEN DOLLS

It's half biology and half corrective surgery gone wrong / You'll notice something funny if you hang around here for too long

not to make every song on here about Viz being trans - actually no, yes to doing that. He was a girl and he hated it so now he's a boy but not really because he stole this body so it's not his, and the girl pieces are still in there, and he hates that they're in there. it's about having dysphoria even when you've transitioned to the point that unless someone knows or looks very close they'd never know who you used to be. or that you're not the original owener of your body.

DUDE, WHERE'S MY SKIN? - SCHOOLYARD HEROES

Your life is destroyed you are thirsting for violence / The ghosts you created are calling you out

yeah, just. he caused all his own problems. also the bits about biting, and the grungy sound are very Vizaeth-coded

IM NOT SORRY - ROYAL & THE SERPENT

I wanna kill everybody / I'm not sorry, I'm not sorry / I'm better than everybody / I'm not sorry, I'm not sorry

he's a violent little man with a complex. several complexes.

I HATE EVERYBODY - HALSEY

I know I've got a tendency / To exaggerate what I'm seein' / And I know that it's unfair of me / To make a memory out of a feelin'

if Vizaeth was as self aware as this song, he'd be in a much better place, but alas. if he had actual love in his life, he'd be a lot less miserable.

GOOD TO BE ALIVE - PVRIS

Is this body even mine? / Feels good to be alive, but I hate my life

another line about debatable body ownership? yeah, that's it that's all i've got for this one.

listen if you can't relate to screaming that line then i don't know what to tell you. it's Vizaeth screaming.

DISORDER - MALLAVORA

Can you see me now / You've not been looking hard enough / I won't be silent anymore / Sometimes I hate this body

the howling body-frustration anguish here is what it's all about

DUALITY - SLIPKNOT

Put me back together or separate the skin from bone / Leave me all the pieces / Then you can leave me alone

sometimes you gotta be an edgy 13-year-old and put slipknot on the OC playlist. also every line about damaging yourself is always about Vizaeth

VORE - SLEEP TOKEN

So let's get swallowed whole / I want to go where nobody else will ever go

the origin of Vizaeth's vore fetish adjaklsj. no but it's about getting eaten by god and Vizaeth does want Lolth to eat him, so.

BRUTUS - THE BUTTRESS

I don't want what you have / I wanna be you

origin line! he doesn't want Pharaun's position or his power, he wants to be him. Physically. Literally.

THE MIND ELECTRIC - MIRACLE MUSICAL

Someone help me / Understand what's going on inside my mind / Doctor, I can't tell if I'm not me

this song is very chaotic-mind confusion-struggle tangled-brain, which Vizaeth very much has. half the time he doesn't know what's going on in his own head and he hates it.

CREEP - EMBER ISLAND

I don't care if it hurts / I wanna have control / I want a perfect body / I want a perfect soul

I like this cover for being so soft and sad, such a lament. Like damn, Viz tries so hard and still fails at everything he's every tried to be.