Straight Up Villain

a Jarlaxle fanmix

this is not the serious introspective character playlist you're looking for. this is the 'Jarlaxle is a sparkly bitch' playlist and it is 100% vibes. this is the mix about how Jarlaxle Baenre does in fact fuck, and is extremely gender about it.

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Tracklist & Meta

I WANT IT ALL - QUEEN

I'm a man with a one track mind / So much to do in one life time

In my opinion it's Peak Jarlaxle to open with this song. Boy has ambitions, we all know it. And honestly it's not even just expansion and power, it's freedom for him and his.

PLAY DIRTY - KEVIN MCALLISTER

If you wanna play, we can play all day / But we play, play dirty, play dirty

Jarlaxle? Play fair? Who are you kidding, if there's an advantage to being underhanded he'll take it. If there isn't he won't, but come on. Boy does play dirty.

BAD THINGS - JACE EVERETT

I don't know who you think you are / But before the night is through / I wanna do bad things with you

This is just a 'Jarlaxle being horny' song and i will not apologise for it

NO CONSEQUENCES - VERSAEMERGE

You're calling me insatiable and I can't deny / On the hunt for the irreplaceable / Impossible to find / Should I settle for less / You're good but I want the best / I want you along with the rest / I want the world with no consequences

yeah that's a long excerpt but it's accurate. He wants a lot of things. And people. In more ways than just fucking and/or fucking with people. There is an ongoing theme in this mix of Jarlaxle wanting things.

HOW TO BE A HEARTBREAKER - MARINA

Rule number three: wear your heart on your cheek / But never on your sleeve / Unless you wanna taste defeat

He is so extremely performative. Never let them see what's really going on. Keep up the façade at all times to survive. (Only when he does let it down we all go feral to see the actual man behind the mask. I am eating him, glitter and all.)

THE CULT OF DIONYSUS - THE ORION EXPERIENCE

I'm feeling devious / You're looking glamorous / Let's get mischievous / And polyamorous

Devious, glamorous, mischievous, polyamorous ← Jarlaxle's tinder profile

EMPEROR'S NEW CLOTHES - PANIC! AT THE DISCO

Heroes always get remembered / But you know legends never die

If nothing else, his hat is legendary at this point. Also again, it's 'Jarlaxle wanting things' hours.

LOOKING AT ME - SABRINA CARPENTER

If you think they're looking at you / They're looking at me

Jarlaxle Vanity Song Number The First. Listen. Listen to me. The Baenre genes make hot boys, and he knows it, we all know it. The man is eyecatching.

HOW YOU LIKE THAT - BLACKPINK

(translated) Those dark days where I was trapped / You should've ended me when you had the chance

i know, i know, this is a sparkly mix, and this song is also about the 'look at you, now look at me' of it all but also. They did. They very much did try and kill him from day fucking one and it didn't take.

VILLAIN - K/DA

Time to roll the dice, you know I'm the type / Type to risk my life, not afraid to die

Jarlaxle stop doing things that almost get you and your pals killed im begging you. Anyway, the song annotation - he's posited as, if not a villain, certainly an antagonist and antihero for a lot of the narrative. And he leans into it. And looks damn good doing it.

APPLAUSE - LADY GAGA

I live for the applause, applause, applause

this is another shallow, Jarlaxle vanity song. He has an ego! Everyone clap for him or I'm gonna blow up this entire website.

FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT - ADAM LAMBERT

No escaping when I start / Once I'm in I own your heart

Another 'Jarlaxle being horny' song because that man is a FLIRT and a SEDUCER and he knows exactly how hot he is.

THEATRE - ICON FOR HIRE

Rewriting your identity is all the rage / Well next act please, I'd like a change

okay here's the façade deconstruction song to counterbalance all the very Glitter Mask songs on this mix. The man does get so tired of being Jarlaxle™

I DON'T CARE - FALL OUT BOY

I don't care what you think / As long as it's about me / The best of us can find happiness in misery

Let's not think about how he hates pretending to be someone he's not, let's get back to shallow egotistical guitar riffs! with also some mumbled thoughts about finding what light you can in the most fucked up of darknes. Doesn't matter what anyone thinks; they're still thinking about him. Certainly he lives in my brain rent fucking free.

FLAMBOYANT - DORIAN ELECTRA

No taste for subtlety / And no time for restraint / No, oh, I go all the way

Jarlaxle Is A Flaming Melodramatic Queer And You Can Pry His Bisexual Ass From My Cold Dead Transgender Hands

I AM THE BEST - 2NE1

(translated)People who know a thing or two they all know it so ask them / Grab anyone and ask them who is the best

He's listening to this in his office, headphones in, fixing his eyeliner instead of working on Bregan D'aerthe paperwork

MONSTER - KIRA FT GUMI

I don't need no sympathy / Winning the game on my own

Jarlaxle Baenre is a strong independent drow and he'll fuck you up if you cross him and he won't even angst about it even a little. Well. Maybe a little.

FXXK BOYS GET MONEY - FEMM

Fxxk Boyz Get Money

Fuck boys, and also, fuck boys, y'know?

MY TYPE - SAINT MOTEL

You-you-you're just my type / Oh, you got a pulse and you are breathing

Yet another 'Jarlaxle being horny' song, this time in vaguely bisexual flavour

PAPER PLANES - M.I.A

All I wanna do is *gunshots* / And a *gun cock* *cash register noise* / And take your money

look i know he's not a petty criminal but also. he is. and if he asked me for my wallet i'd give it to him along with my number.

WITNESS - MINDLESS SELF INDULGENCE

Son of a bitch / God likes me

well it's true, Lolth apparently does. Anyway this is just ego plus the knowledge that a god wouldn't let him die as a literal baby, apparently.

I DON'T WANNA STOP - OZZY OSBOURNE

All my life I've been over the top / I don't know what I'm doing all I know is I don't wanna stop

well i mean he does know what he's doing but also. he's very driven and sometimes - just SOMETIMES - this is perhaps not necessarily a good thing.

UH-OH - JEREMY FISHER & SERENA RYDER

You can't prove shit, uh-oh / You got nothing legit, uh-oh

He's gonna do crime and you ain't gonna do shit about it

CUZ I CAN - P!NK

I don't play your rules / I make my own

Do we think Jarlaxle is fun at parties? I think he's fun at parties.

CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF MYSELF - SANTIGOLD

All I wanna do is what I do well / Ain't a gambler but honey I'd put money on myself / All I wanna do is bottle it to sell / 'Cause my brand of vainglory is much better for your health

Jarlaxly Vanity Song Number ???

I'M GONNA WIN - ROB CANTOR

It's hard to be charming and smart and disarming / It's hard to pretend you're the best

okay let's have a little more self-awareness, slightly disguised by ego.

WORDS LIKE FIRE - DEATH VALLEY DREAMS

Oh, this city got a lot to learn / Crossin' the bridges / Gonna watch them burn

This one's just Jarlaxle and Menzoberranzan. Which is a complicated relationship, and also how many times do you think he's just fantasised about burning the whole thing to the ground? He'd never do it, but that's cathartic.

RUNS IN THE FAMILY - AMANDA PALMER

But business is business! / And business runs in the family / We tend to bruise easily bad in the blood / I'm telling you 'cause I just want you to know me / Know me and my family, we're wonderful folks

Being a Baenre, even a mostly disowned one, does not come without a pile of baggage.

IODINE - ICON FOR HIRE

"Crazy" is, I believe, the medical term / When we wanna recover, but we don't wanna learn

okay i lied there is a little introspection on here. He makes his own problems very often, and then has to fix them. But he's trying, and that's the point, isn't it.

EMPIRE - BETH CROWLEY

It's my destiny / I was born to play this game

so this one is big Servant of the Shard feels, but he doesn't like. Stop. After that. It's just less driven by sentient magic rocks.

TRUE TRANS SOUL REBEL - AGAINST ME!

You should've been gone from here years ago / You should be living a different life

I just think it's very cool and sexy of me to put this on here.